THE ART OF UNSELFISHNESS.....

What makes people selfish? Are we selfish because we simply live in our own bodies and truly can't relate to what it means to be someone else? When I was very small, I used to look at my Daddy and my Mama wondering what it would be like to be them. I knew what it was like to be me. I had my own thoughts. I had my own worries and triumphs. But I honestly had no idea what it meant to be someone else. I can recall sitting in my Daddy's lap as a very young child with my ear firmly pressed to his chest listening to the beat of his heart. He had a different heart from me. It beat with a steady rhythm just like mine. Yet, my Daddy and my Mama did not live the same life I was living.

We are all unique individuals, right? Yet, we are connected to other people through our different roles during the decades of our lives. We seem to be more selfish about the people we love and care about than someone who is a stranger or just a face on the news. We might foster moments of compassion and empathy but how quickly these emotions fade as does the face on the street or the news.

There are times people have advised me to be more selfish. Enjoy that vacation and spoil yourself. Be selfish for goodness sakes. After all, you deserve it. Or I've given someone a small gift and their sincere response seems to be that I shouldn't have. Why in the world was I thinking about them? What crazy thought entered my brain to consider them for this thoughtful action? I don't know. Maybe I carry people with me wherever I go. Honestly, is that so weird?

It's easy to comfort ourselves. For me, a bubble bath in the winter sooths me like nothing else can. A tall glass of iced tea on a hot day does wonders for my disdain for hot weather. Crossword puzzles, word searches, knitting, crocheting, and taking walks prevent my anxiety from taking over my emotions. Some people might call these pursuits hobbies. Others might classify them as selfish activities. Indeed, they are the things I do specifically for me, not really for anyone else. 

Looking at the continuum of selfishness can in itself become quite complex. Maybe an iced latte isn't really selfish, when I treat a companion to one as well. When I finish a terrific book and pass it on to a friend, I am sharing rather than hoarding how that book impacted me. 

Most of us have known someone who truly embodied the essence of selfishness. Maybe it was someone you knew who only needed you to benefit themselves in some way. When you realize someone in your life is interested in you in order to further some personal goal, it can really impact the future of that relationship. The term "selfish motives" is alive in relationships, politics, organizations, careers, and even families. I, myself, stop at times to check my motives. How pure are they? Am I saying or doing something for my own interest? How much do I invest in others.

I can't read the thoughts of others. I can't walk in their shoes. There may be many things I will never know about even the people closest to me in my life. But I can choose to be unselfish. I can choose to set aside time for others. I can choose to think of them even when I am traveling. My prayers don't even need to be specifically about me. 

I was probably four years old listening to my Daddy's heartbeat so long ago. His heartbeat represented his active presence for me. He was someone I could count on. He was unselfish. In life, knowing someone who will always be there for you is vitally important to our sense of well-being. I hope one day someone will listen intently to my own heartbeat. That's when I will know I have mastered the art of unselfishness.